


Notice Where You Are

by surskitty



Series: Step Aside and See the World [11]
Category: Subarashiki Kono Sekai | The World Ends With You
Genre: Awkwardness, Gen, Meeting the Boyfriend, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-05-14 17:37:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5752195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/surskitty/pseuds/surskitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Coda to Between the Black Dirt; Neku's Beat's best friend, but it's a bit hard to be friends with someone when you think their boyfriend's a total tool.  Maybe talking to him without Neku there will help!  ... maybe they're all just overly optimistic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Beat ain’t usually the one to check the door, but he hears the knock and he answers it, lazy day or no. The guy at the door’s familiar in some vague sense, young and proper and his first thought’s he’s got to be one of Rhyme’s upperclassmen, but the crisp bow and ritzy manner brings the memories right back and Beat’s tenser than anything as he returns the greeting.

“Good afternoon,” says Neku’s jerkass reaper, or no, he’s the composer, ain’t he? And that’s just a whole other pile of issues that Beat’s never known how to deal with. “I apologize for the intrusion, but given recent events, I thought it might be best to speak with you in private. Would you walk with me?”

His first impulse is to say _no,_ or _how do you know where I live,_ or a dozen other things, that small smile pissing him off all on its own, but he’s better than that and can do better than that, no matter how much he’d like to act without thinking. “You can come in if you want,” he says gruffly, moving aside, but the priss kid shakes his head and takes a step back. 

“You don’t want me in your house,” he says quietly, and even if he’s right it’s rude to turn down his hospitality. “My presence is inherently inimical to mundane life; I don’t want to harm you or your family simply by getting too close. Outdoors would be preferable, or better yet I could treat you to lunch somewhere neutral. Ramen Don, perhaps?”

Beat knows he’s speaking over his head, but as much as he wants to punch him for trying to make him feel stupid, Beat **understood** this time, like he’d checked the dictionary recently and it stuck. He straightens with perverse pride even as what the guy said sinks in: there is no fucking way Beat’s letting him near Rhyme if he’s right and he’s dangerous just by breathing too close. “Neutral,” he repeats. “You calling a place run by one of your buddies neutral?”

“Seeing as reaper sigils mute me as much as anyone else, yes, actually,” he says flatly. “You live in **My** city, Mr Bitou. That I have no intention of abusing my power doesn’t change that your life is in My hands, and I would prefer to avoid any temptation. It’s a reassurance for you as much as me, I promise.”

Fucking hell. _Fucking hell._ He’s tempted to slam the door shut and try to forget this happened, but then he’d be _slamming the door on a god,_ and – fuck fuck fuck –

He has the vague sense of a question he doesn’t think he thought, and that’s so much worse. It’s gone as soon as it came, though, and the composer goes pale. “I’m sorry,” he says quickly, and Beat squints. Why is this guy – “Neku often scolds me for not telling him potential consequences even when I’m certain all will be well, and I assumed – I apologize, and I can leave if you’d prefer, even if ….”

“No, stay,” Beat finds himself saying, and maybe the composer’s as scared of Beat as Beat is of him. “You needed something, right? Enough to –” Enough to scare the shit out of Beat for no good reason, he thinks, and maybe he should tell him to fuck right off. He’d probably regret it, but damn would it feel good. 

“I did, yes,” he replies carefully. “But you won’t give me an honest answer if you fear me, and all I wish is to discuss Neku with you, nothing of larger import. He can be overbearing, and I more so, and you shouldn’t be caught in the middle of it.”

Damn right he shouldn’t, but it surprises him that the guy’s giving him that basic consideration. “So, what? You barging into my life to say you ain’t trying to?” he says, and this guy really does bring out some of the worst in him. Fuck, he was working on being less confrontational. 

But the guy’s not offended, at least, leaning back like he really hadn’t thought of that before, and Beat’s got to wonder a bit about Neku’s taste if he likes a guy without the sense to not show off that he knows where Beat lives and everything Beat’s got’s because of his graciousness. And what that says about Beat, too. 

The guy opens his mouth and closes it without saying anything, then runs his hand through his hair. “My first thought was to send you a text,” he admits sheepishly, “but I thought you might not appreciate me having your phone number, and perhaps a face-to-face conversation might better convey my sincerity. I see I was deeply mistaken.”

 ** _“Email,”_** Beat says firmly, even if he doesn’t exactly check his much. “And you still ain’t getting to the point.”

“Neku offered to split rent with you,” he says, and Beat jumps: he didn’t know the guy’d know that, even if it makes sense after a second. “I don’t want you to feel pressured, and there are plenty of alternatives that still let you move away from your parents and involve Neku returning to Shibuya. As a former reaper and a victor of the Shibuya Game, your welfare is my responsibility, and my conductor is too personally invested to ensure that whatever is done is best for _you,_ not simply his own interests.”

“And you ain’t,” he finishes, thinking as fast as he can and that’s not exactly his strong point. The composer just nods, though, not trying to rush him, and that’s – that’s nice, actually, a consideration people don’t often give him. It’s easier to be the hothead than the slow one, even if he’s been trying to think first more. Easier, but not better.

What it means that the composer’s interested in **him,** not just Neku, though, is something Beat doesn’t want to think about too much. “I realize this is a lot,” the composer says, and Beat corrects himself: _Joshua._ He’s being decent enough to get a name, and he hopes he’s just imagining the slight softening of the guy’s expression. Don’t need him mucking around his head, that’s for sure. “It would be easier, however, if you would be willing to speak with me over lunch. May we?”

His stomach rumbles at the thought of food, and even if the composer ain’t exactly Beat’s favorite person, he can give him a chance. Another chance, really, but Beat’s starting to suspect it ain’t doing Joshua any favors to always be seen as Neku’s reaper, rather than a person of his own. “I’m gonna need to let Rhyme know where I’m going,” he says slowly, and it’s a bit of a warning. If Beat turns up dead in an alley – or worse, **_doesn’t_** turn up – then they’re all going to know who and have a pretty good guess at the why, but Joshua just smiles like he expected as much and he’s cute, really, to think that’d make a difference. 

“Do as you wish,” he says easily, “though you may also wish to inform your parents you’re looking at apartments. It may not even be untrue; I have a number of useful gifts for such a purpose, and you’re welcome to take advantage of them.”

Like picking out a morgue, but that ain’t fair. Neku’s the only guy Beat’s heard of him shooting, and they’re friends, yeah? “I never did learn to use that city-sense.”

“You may be pleased to learn the same does not apply to me.”

Yeah, or worried, and given that he _knew where Beat lived,_ he’s gonna guess it’s closer to the second. “Tch.” The guy just smiles at him, though, and Beat heads back in to grab his jacket and shoes and text Rhyme. 

His parents ain’t gonna care he’s out for the afternoon, anyway, or at least not if they don’t have to feed him too much. Getting on better terms with them doesn’t make everything perfect, and at least he _can_ get along with them. Neku’s better off without his family, he’s pretty sure: this guy might be a dickbag but at least they’re on the same page for that shit. Beat’s folks ain’t great but he and Rhyme’ve always known they were wanted, even if the people they are aren’t the people their parents wanted them to be.

He locks the place and heads out, Joshua following behind just a little, and something about the guy’s silence makes Beat’s hair stand on end, like the prissy bastard knows everything about him already. “What’s your family like?” he says, trying to even the odds, and the guy laughs.

“I don’t have one, I’m afraid,” he says back, and of course he doesn’t. Guy like him probably chased them all off, or didn’t have one worth keeping in the first place, but either way, it ain’t like it’s Beat’s business, eh? “I envy you and your sister, having each other the way you do. How is she, by the by?”

“She’s fine,” he says flatly, and he’ll punch him out if he doesn’t drop the subject. The composer might’ve brought her back, but it’s the Game’s fault she was gone in the first place. “I wanna know about you, if you expect me to trust you; far as I know you’re Neku’s favorite mystery man and that’s about it.”

A hum, and it strikes Beat as eerie how they catch every light blue without waiting. That just ain’t natural. “I was born and raised in Shibuya, of course,” he says easily, like it’s unthinkable it could’ve been otherwise, “and my parents were – quick on the uptake, shall we say, as to Japan’s need to adapt after the war. Now you know as much as Neku does, as to that part of my upbringing; satisfied?”

Well, it’s something, he supposes. Wait, what? “‘War?’” he echoes. “Don’t tell me you ain’t actually around the same age as us –!”

The composer snorts, and Beat’s got a **bad** feeling about this whole thing. “Chronologically, I’m older than your parents,” he says, and fucking hell but did Beat wish he guessed wrong. “I’ve been composer for most of that, however, so there’s little point treating me _that_ much older than you: you’ve plenty of life experiences I’ve never had, after all.”

“Like hell!” Beat says, and whatever goodwill he had is gone now. “You’re fucking _old,_ and you’re going after Neku like he’s your equal! What the fuck is wrong with you, you – you –” He can’t even say the word, he’s too angry, and the composer stops and looks at him, face terrifyingly calm as Beat realizes he couldn’t keep talking if he wanted to.

“I won’t have those accusations,” he says quietly, watching him, and it’s not until Beat nods shakily that he can hear himself breathe again. “I am older than Neku, I know. **Far** too old, by most metrics, but there aren’t many other options, do you see? People like me – we don’t tend to live long, and _certainly_ not if we go straight into my position like I did. Neku knows I’m older than him, but he also knows I never finished high school, never went to college. Never went on a date before the one I had with him, never really went anywhere outside of Kanto. He has much more experience than me in many areas, and I’m not taking advantage of him, Daisukenojo Bitou, not the way you’re thinking. I’ll thank you to not forget it.”

Fuck, those _eyes,_ old and terrible and angry and Beat’s heart is racing, sure he’s gonna die. “Yeah,” he says shakily, and the composer’s just some guy again, hardly a god at all, and he’s so, so dangerous. “Never do that to me again,” he adds, and the guy nods slowly in acknowledgement. “Never fucking mute me just because you don’t like the shit I’m saying, even if I _was_ out of line. You do that shit to Neku?”

“No,” he says immediately, then reconsiders: “I try not to. I’ve slipped before. You’re all so – you’re safe from me at Ramen Don. Come.” And he storms off, fuming even as he expects Beat to follow along like a dog to heel. Whenever Beat starts thinking he’s not that bad, he pulls shit like this, like it’s _easy_ for him. Slipped, hell. If Beat could hurt people like that without even trying, he wouldn’t fucking risk being around them, that’s for dang sure.

He stops, examines that thought. Joshua **doesn’t,** not with people beside Neku, and Neku don’t take no shit if he don’t gotta. It’s one of the things Beat loves about him: you always know pretty quickly if somebody gets on Neku’s bad side, and how many times has he complained about Joshua pulling shit? A **lot,** that’s what, and the thing that pissed Neku off for months whenever he remembered he had a third Partner was that Joshua refused to show. And how many times has anyone else seen him? Beat can probably count on his fingers, and he ain’t even any good at remembering who he’s met before. 

Joshua got ahead of him while he was thinking, and Beat sees him waiting impatiently at the next light. He jogs to catch up, suddenly struck by just how _small_ the guy looks when he’s far away like that. It don’t come across when he’s next to him, but Beat thinks he’s probably taller than Eri, shorter than Shiki. Short, anyways, and not that much older than Rhyme. Spooky.

Maybe it’s Neku he should be wondering about, he thinks darkly, but they been friends since they were the same height. Not like it’s Neku’s fault dead people don’t age. 

They’re quiet the rest of the way there, Joshua sulking and Beat thinking, and they both brighten a bit when they see the ramen guy, though Beat’s more of a curry type himself. “Welcome!” he says, bowing, and Beat’s interested to note he seems to recognize them equally. Maybe he is sort of neutral, even with him being – whatever he is. “You two are looking awfully serious today. Nothing wrong, I hope?”

Joshua laughs, shaking his head, and they both seem fond. “No one else’s ramen is as good as yours, Mr Doi,” he says easily, and the ramen guy softens.

“A bit of quiet and some good food will fix you both right up, then!” he declares, and he leads them off to a more secluded niche of his store, though Beat would’ve sworn there’s no space for that. 

Awfully convenient, too, him bringing them somewhere there’s no other witnesses, and the composer goes still like he’d heard that thought. Probably did, Beat realizes: guy like him’s probably the type to keep as many cards up his sleeve as he can, and Beat knows he keeps track of what Neku’s up to even when they’re nowhere near each other. 

“Less than you might think,” Joshua murmurs as they sit down, the ramen guy not bothering with taking their orders before running off, and Beat stiffens. “I listen to all of Shibuya; anything you might think, you can be sure I’ve heard worse.”

Hearing worse ain’t the issue; Beat doesn’t care what the composer thinks of him. “Stay out of my head,” he hisses. 

“Yes, because it’s that simple,” he drawls, and Beat should just leave. “Perhaps I should start asking people to put on earplugs and blindfolds before speaking to me; that could approach expecting a composer to go without psi. Of course, _you_ still have a sense of touch ….”

Don’t punch him, don’t punch him – “Kids?” the ramen guy calls, and Joshua goes white. “Don’t argue; it’ll spoil your appetites.”

“I’ll always have appetite for your curry,” Beat swears, and Mr Doi chuckles as he sets their bowls down. “Let’s eat!”

Beat digs in, to the curry guy’s approval, but Joshua’s motionless. “You seem to be right, Mr Doi,” he says, voice shaking even as he’s still as the dead. “I’m sorry, but my appetite’s gone.”

“This’ll help,” he says firmly, but the guy just shrinks into his seat and Beat’s got no clue what’s wrong. They all watch the ramen bowl and Joshua not eating, but fuck it: Beat snags the bowl and digs in, even as Joshua’s eyes go wide and the ramen guy beams.

“This is great!” he says, in between slurps of noodles, and even if it wasn’t, it’d still be worth it to see the aghast look on the priss kid’s face. “You’re seriously missing out, wow.” And the chunks of tender fish –! Beat loves the curry the guy makes, but shit, the stuff he gives the composer is in-fucking-credible.

Doesn’t stop the composer from looking at him like he just turned into a dog himself, though. “Drugging innocents is bad form,” he quietly informs the ramen guy, and wait, what?

“You’re assuming I drugged it at all,” the ramen guy replies, and his face is kind even with the composer stony and furious. “I’ve known for a while, Joshua. You’re safe here, and from me.”

“And Minamimoto?” he asks shakily, and excuse me, but Beat’s still caught up on the _drugging_ thing. He seriously think the food could be poisoned? … and bring Beat there anyway? He ain’t the quickest guy on the uptake sometimes, so maybe he’s wrong about that, but if there’s ever a time for the composer to be peeking – Joshua glances at him and says, ` Later,` though his mouth didn’t move.

“I told him you’re a good kid and he’s not to bother you when you’re just trying to relax,” he says firmly. “People like you should get to be people sometimes if they want to, and Junior knows better than to cross me too badly.”

Joshua looks at him, or maybe through him, assessing, and Beat has the distinct impression Joshua’d kill the guy if he found him wanting. He doesn’t, though, moving to stand without any of the bits in between like a poorly-animated game character, then bows low, lower than Beat’d’ve ever expected from a stuck-up prick like him even without the guy being a god. “I’m in your debt,” he says, serious, and the ramen guy bows back, somehow sad. 

“You let me retire even though I was old enough to make that difficult, and helped my silly old game get popular enough for me to follow my dream,” he replies, and Joshua flushes. “The least I can do is let you consider this place a safe haven.”

“It’s still generous of you,” Joshua says, sitting back down and daintily swiping the ramen bowl back even as Beat yelps. “I apologize for my rudeness.”

“Be easy on Junior next time he goes after you and we’ll call it even,” he says, heading back to the rest of his shop, and Joshua waits for him to get out of sight before slumping, obviously exhausted. 

Well. That just happened. “You mind telling me what that was about?” he says warily, and Joshua cracks one eye open like Beat’s barely worth acknowledging. Asshole.

“I do, actually, but seeing as you’re one of Neku’s friends, I suppose it can do no harm,” he says frankly, and Beat stiffens. “He would be displeased if you acted on anything I’m about to say, you know.”

“I don’t decide what I’m doing by what Phones likes,” Beat warns. “He’s my friend and we trust each other to do what’s right.” And if that means shaking the composer until answers fall out, that’s fine, too. Neku’d sure understand **that,** or he would’ve a few months ago. 

… Beat doesn’t actually know how Neku’d react these days, and that’s weird to think. “I suppose that’s good enough,” the guy concedes, and it’d better be. “Tell me, Beat: how does one become composer?”

Like he’d know? That shit was all a while ago; he probably forgot by now. Joshua’s just watching him patiently, though, calmly eating what’s left of his noodles like he’s got all day and he doesn’t mind in the least that Beat’s never been the fastest guy on the uptake. He’s tempted to try to wait him out, actually, but something about the guy’s faint smile gives him the impression he’s not letting Beat off the hook when he hasn’t even tried. “Defeat the previous composer,” he says slowly, recalling that week where it was one of the things he wanted most, but right now that’s ….

He doesn’t like this guy, but he doesn’t want to fight, either, and he **knows** Joshua was listening to that because he releases a tension Beat didn’t even realize was there. “It sounds so simple like that, doesn’t it,” he says, and Beat doesn’t think he’s seeing him at all. “‘Defeat’ is such a roundabout way of phrasing it. You have to want it, you know, want it with your heart and soul as you watch them bleed out and put all your will into tearing their city away from them and to **_you._** Because you’re better than them, you know; you could do better, and you’ll fix everything once they’re gone and no one is going to mourn them, really. We guard our power and our identities jealously for fear it’ll be stolen just as we stole it first, but our cities are always searching for an excuse: who can bring a better future, I wonder. Me? Or ….”

He was going to bring Rhyme back, he remembers; it was the most important thing and **_anything_** would be worth it. “I ain’t going to fight you,” he says firmly, and Joshua inclines his head. 

“You aren’t a murderer,” he agrees, but Joshua is, ain’t he, and not just Neku. He’s got to have killed someone to even have his position, and that’s – Beat should be scared of him, he knows, but he’s not. The guy brought back Rhyme, too, and Beat got through it all without blood on his hands. “Ken Doi, though? Minamimoto? Make no mistake: there are plenty who **would** take any shot they could at me, and that Doi currently finds me more convenient than the alternative doesn’t mean he _couldn’t._ He has as much bloodlust as any of us, given the right provocation; the only reason both of us are conscious right now is he showed me mercy.”

That’ll show Beat to steal anything Joshua’s not eating, he supposes. “Neku showed you mercy, too,” he says, and Joshua inclines his head, his eyes closed. 

“And I shot him for it.”

But he brought everyone back to life, too. … no, not everyone, but enough. Enough to make Beat’s life worth living, at least. “You don’t make sense.”

“Neku’s told me that many times,” he says with a laugh, and Beat doesn’t need to be psychic to know there’s real affection there. A lot of other fucked up shit, too, he’s sure, but if he’d been thinking the guy was just using Neku … nah. He cares; that just ain’t always enough.

“That’s kinda funny,” Beat continues, and he’s on the right track, he knows it, “because I think out of all of us, he’d get what it’s like to want to be hated. It’s easier when nobody expects anything of you, ain’t it?”

Joshua looks up, then, and that smile’s not really mocking at all, is it. “You’re too bright to stay in the background, you know,” he says, and he means it even as Beat flushes and opens his mouth to disagree. “All of you are, really, but you and Miss Misaki – you get the right answers, given enough time, and Shibuya is a better place for your insights. If there is ever something you have need of, you need only ask.”

Whatever he was expecting, that wasn’t it. “Nobody’s ever called me intelligent before,” he says slowly, and Joshua scowls. 

“That’s not what I meant,” he snaps, and Beat winces, though it shows him right for hoping. “Intelligence is a flawed metric, flawed enough to be useless – you’re _diligent,_ Beat, and you reserve judgement as much as you can. You think before you act. You have **patience.** And you always try to see the best in people. What does it matter, how fast you learn? You’re willing to **_do_** things with it.”

“But none of that comes naturally!” he blurts out, but the composer just stares at him levelly. “That’s all just – that’s all shit I learned from Phones and Rhyme, that’s all. _They’re_ the ones you should be praising like that.” Not him, and especially not when – he doesn’t even like this guy, for fuck’s sake! Why is he …?

But the composer just raises his eyebrows, faintly amused, and the hairs on the back of Beat’s neck go up. This guy is always up to something, ain’t he. “I don’t much care about how you would act without thinking,” he says. “The fact remains that you **don’t,** and the person you are and the effect you have on my city is determined by your actions, not your impulses. I’m the **composer,** Beat: I hear enough people without your self-control to know that you’re remarkable, and given my prior investment in your life, it’s only natural that I wish to ensure you’re in better circumstances than you are now. So, with that in mind: where would you like to be living within a year?”

Maybe … maybe this guy really is interested in _him,_ not just how he’s involved with Neku, and that’s a weird thought. He plays with his chopsticks for something to do, thinking it over. It’s not like he’s going to get pissed at him taking a while right after telling him how he’s doing things **right.** That’s weird, too: Joshua’s basically a stranger to him, but he still thinks – he still thinks Beat’s _worth something._ That doesn’t happen often. “Neku needs somewhere in Shibuya for your shit, don’t he?” he muses, and Joshua shrugs.

“He can move in with Coco and Kariya if need be,” he replies, and Beat fucking wishes he had a head for names. “The little girl reaper and the one you call Lollipop? Neku would have to follow their house rules, and they wouldn’t _like_ it, but they would accept it. Don’t decide for Neku’s sake.”

They’re friends, though, and Beat really wants things to be okay between them. “I want it to work, and I want out of my folks’ place,” he says, and Joshua inclines his head. “Rhyme’s gonna need a safe place to run off to, too, and Neku’s good with her. It ain’t a bad idea, really.” It could’ve been, though, and he feels better knowing Neku’s got options, even if Neku might not want to take them.

“I’ll keep my distance,” he murmurs, and Beat sighs in relief, even if that’s more blatant than he wanted to be. The composer ain’t offended, though, at least not as far as Beat can tell. “None of you are comfortable around me, I know that, and everyone needs a sanctuary. You need not worry that I’ll intrude.”

“You’re dating Neku, though, ain’t ya?” Beat says back, and the guy flushes redder than a dead boy’s got the right to. “I still don’t like you much, but shit: it’s not right for you to be a pariah, either. Don’t let Neku show you off too much – yeah, I know what he’s like; don’t make that face – but I don’t mind too much if you come through the door, once I got one.” And that’s going to be soon, if all goes well, but now he feels like it actually might. Fuck yeah! 

Joshua manages a small smile in reply, like he thinks Beat might go back on it, but shit, a bit of faith would be nice. Even if it’s hard to give any to the composer. “I’ll keep that in mind, then,” he says, and aw, Beat don’t bite. “Shall I simply send you all the listings that look promising?”

“I can look myself, but if you’ve got special tricks up your sleeve, go for it.”

“Very well, then,” he says, and he stands up like he’s going somewhere. Well, that **is** what he wanted to talk to Beat about, but –

“You don’t got to go,” he blurts out, and the guy raises his eyebrows. “Or maybe you do, I don’t know, but shit – you thought you were gonna die earlier, yeah?”

A quirk of his lips. “I’m already dead,” he says softly, but he knows what Beat means, he knows he does. 

“You got anyone to talk to about it?” he asks firmly, and there’s silence. “Call Neku and get him to come over, dude: you don’t need whatever nightmares or other shit you’re gonna get from that. And then, sometime we got more time on our hands, you and me are gonna get lunch again, capisce? It ain’t right that you’ve been friends with Neku for how long and yet nobody else knows anything about you, and you can’t really say we’ve been trying neither.” Not that trying would’ve been enough, with this guy as reclusive as he is, but it’s not all Joshua’s fault and it’s too easy to blame him.

Joshua’s staring at him. “And people say _I’m_ strange,” he muses, but his eyes are twinkling in amusement and Beat’s sure he’s doing the right thing. “You know, attempts on my life aren’t anything unusual.”

“They should be,” he says frankly, and Joshua shrugs. “I think Phones’d be mad if you didn’t tell him, too.”

He closes his eyes tiredly, and that’s not the reaction Beat was looking for. “I promised him I’d look after myself,” he murmurs. “He’s going to be furious anyone found out about me at all.”

“Better to hear it sooner than later, then, ain’t it?” Beat says brightly, but the composer pales and aw, shit, Beat didn’t mean it like that. “Neku cares about you, you know; if he gives you any trouble about it, send him to me.” They all can get caught up on the wrong things, and shit: this guy wanted to check up on _Beat,_ because Neku’s got his head up his ass and he’s got an obligation. The least Beat can do back is keep Neku from freaking out about the wrong half of it. 

And Joshua’s looking at him, brow raised and lips parted in disbelief, and he looks more than a bit feral. “You would cover for _me?_ ” he says, and what’s so absurd about that? “Neku’s scolded me for my risk-taking many times; he **won’t** be happy, and even less so if I call him here to coddle me after my own mistakes. It’s a kind thought, but a thought is all it is.”

Something about that grates him the wrong way, but all he does is mutter _the guy ain’t infallible_ as he thinks. It’s none of his business, but Joshua wants to make _Beat’s happiness_ his business, and it’s a small thing, really: “I can talk to him if you want,” he suggests, and Joshua jerks up. “Nobody’s – I ain’t heard all that much like you said to me, about me thinking before I act and all, and that was … shit, dude, if you think I might have better luck knocking sense into Neku than you do, I’m here. Do you want me to?”

“I –” he starts, and then stops. Beat might’ve just knocked the composer speechless, and he’s got no clue how to handle that. “That would be very kind of you,” he says eventually, “but even with your word behind it, he’s likely to assume it’s a ploy. I can’t leave Shibuya, you know, and he knows I dislike him being out of my reach.”

He’s so frank about it, too. Part of Beat wonders if he’s being manipulated, and he wouldn’t be surprised if Neku feels this way _all the time_ about this guy, but he’s been honest. He’s probably been more honest than he needs to be, actually, and … Neku’s thought for a while there was good in him. Maybe Beat should have faith, too. “Do you want me to?” he says again, and the guy lights up like it’s one of the best things that’s ever happened to him.

“Yes, please,” he says quickly, “but if you would prefer not to argue with him for my sake, that’s fine, too.”

Like hell it is, but the guy’s trying to give him an out and he’s not going to take it. He digs his phone out and looks through his contacts, sad all over again he doesn’t have Neku on speed-dial. Texting might be better, but no – he’s probably not too busy at this hour. 

Neku doesn’t pick up until the last few rings, but that’s okay. “Hello?” he says, and Joshua perks up like he’s listening in. He probably is, and Beat rolls his eyes at him to no avail.

“Hey, Phones,” he says easily, and that joke’s never going to get old. “Your reaper dropped in to talk to me today, and I think you ought to check up on him.”

“‘My reaper?’” he repeats, and Joshua beams. “You mean Joshua? ‘cause he ain’t mine, dude; I am **_not_** taking responsibility for whatever shit he’s pulling, though I don’t mind yelling at him if you want me to.”

The guy isn’t even offended by that, though he’s got to be eavesdropping; he just tilts his head like he’s interested in seeing what Beat will do. “Actually, he wanted to sort some shit out since you and me’re going to be living together,” he says flatly, and Neku goes silent. “Dude, if you’re dating him, you had better be believing he ain’t the type to fuck with me for the hell of it or _what the hell are you two doing together._ ”

Joshua stiffens, but shit, maybe it ain’t Beat’s business but some things have got to be said and he’s got to have a bit of credit stored up. “Sorry,” Neku says, and Beat can just about imagine that hangdog look like he barely gets what he did wrong. “Did something happen between you two …?”

Fuck. “We just had an interesting conversation,” he says, “and I think the ramen guy scared the _shit_ out of your reaper so you should probably go check on him, Phones, see what’s up. He thinks the world of you, you know.”

“Yeah, I know he does,” Neku says absently, and fuck, if you’re gonna get involved with the UG again over somebody, you can at least fucking **_like them back!_** Beat could scream, but he takes a deep breath and reminds himself he’s only so mad because they just broke up but – Neku can be so **_thoughtless_** sometimes, and maybe Joshua’s not worth it but maybe nobody deserves that, either, and Beat sees the guy’s sad smile and – yeah, okay, that lunch should definitely happen, and it’s gonna suck but he’s going to invite Shiki along, too. They can make a day of it, try not to strangle anybody. 

Neku said something after that, he realizes, and Joshua raises his eyebrows and Beat hears Neku repeat it: “wait, the **_ramen guy?_** If he’s run into Minamimoto again, I swear I’m gonna kill him; I don’t care _how_ much he likes that place but he’s supposed to be _careful_ and – he keeps doing this, Beat, why doesn’t he stay in his house where it’s _safe?!_ ”

And Joshua’s counting the ceiling tiles and Beat wouldn’t have his life for the _world._ “Neku, he wanted to talk to me,” he says quietly, and Neku goes silent. “Maybe he fucked up and maybe he didn’t, but he’s all right and yelling ain’t gonna fix anything. Just go check on him if you’re gonna and don’t get too mad he maybe wants to go get lunch with somebody without worrying about getting _murdered,_ shit.”

“Yeah,” Neku says hesitantly. “Yeah, I’ll – I think I’ll do that. Thanks, Beat.”

“See you, Neku,” he says back, and he hangs up with a big sigh. “That what you always deal with?” he asks, and he’s not sure if he wants to know the answer.

He shrugs, nonchalant. “I don’t often leave my home,” he admits. “If I did, then yes, perhaps, but Neku’s usually accompanying me and it’s considered deeply tacky for there to be human witnesses.”

Ugh. This paranoia shit’s making his head hurt. “I _meant_ getting scolded like a kid for not being a total recluse,” he snaps, and Joshua flips his hair in unconcern. “Right, well, I guess we both have places to be ….”

“Not immediately,” he corrects, getting up to stretch, and he moves like there’s no bones under the surface, inhumanly liquid. “I may as well tell you, for all the good it’ll do: I’m very glad you broke up with Neku before either of you could do something you regret. What you have now can be salvaged; what I saw in some futures could not be, at least not while I remain in the picture.”

Like it’s his business? Beat bristles, but the guy just tilts his head in interest, like it’s nothing unusual he’s sticking his nose in where it doesn’t belong, and Beat suspects it isn’t. Fucking weirdo, but the guy seems to mean it and Beat lets the reflexive defensiveness go. “Neku’s my best bud,” he says slowly, and Joshua smiles. “I couldn’t just ….”

“You two are good for each other,” he murmurs, and this is so fucking weird. “I didn’t see any other way for Neku and I to remain friends, even more distant than we are, without you sacrificing your peace of mind. This way, a compromise is possible.”

 _And_ Phones is free to date the fucker, he thinks bitterly, but that’s not the issue and Beat doesn’t think it ever was. He didn’t mind them not being exclusive – he’d checked people out with Neku before, and not with Neku, too – but …. He shoves the thought away, the UG still too filled with pain for him to think about much. “I ought to’ve found some way to deal with it,” he states. “You ain’t that bad, or at least I don’t think so.”

“A matter of perspective,” Joshua cuts in, and Beat almost doesn’t mind the interruption. “Here, today, with me vulnerable and interested in your welfare, I don’t seem a threat. But the reasons you were uncomfortable with me still stand, and with you as close to Neku as you were … it would take more skill than any of us possess to balance it. I tried not to infringe on your time, but ….”

But he did anyway, Beat finishes, and even when Neku was hanging out with Beat instead, he wasn’t always putting Joshua out of mind. “I could hate you, you know,” he says, and Joshua shrugs. “We were working out pretty okay until you butted in.”

“Until I wanted my own piece, you mean,” he replies, and how dare he. How dare he imply the problem’s that **Beat** was selfish – “You misunderstand.”

 _“What’s there to misunderstand?!”_ he yells, and the composer raises his hand, the air going still in a way Beat **definitely** doesn’t like.

` Merely keeping the volume down,` he says silently, and that’s an imprint, ain’t it. He keeps imprinting and Neku still trusts him – “Note that you know it was me and that I’m primarily addressing your concerns while maintaining the flow of conversation,” he snaps. “Now then: what I meant was not that _you_ expected me to accept things as they are, but Neku did, not realizing that while he was content with an on-again off-again thing entirely on his terms, _I_ wanted some assurance that he wouldn’t forget me the moment he moved outside of Shibuya. I don’t have the freedoms you do, remember, and Neku – does not value me as he does you.”

He says it with such certainty that whatever he was going to yell dies on his tongue. Joshua _feels like_ an interloper, like he doesn’t belong anywhere but especially not in Neku’s love life, but he’s been here the whole time, hasn’t he. And Beat’s even encouraged Neku with some of it; wasn’t he who Neku called when Joshua fucked up their date? He can’t – it ain’t all Joshua’s fault shit got weird, and Neku’s ….

“You think he’d take me back if I asked him to?” he blurts out, and Joshua closes his eyes. “Not that I’m going to or nothing; I got shit I need to sort out before I even _consider_ it –”

“He would,” Joshua murmurs, and **fuck.** “He isn’t here, so I can’t be certain, but – given what I know of him and his feelings, he absolutely would, and I would be grateful if you shoot him down in no uncertain terms any time you think he might be aiming for you.”

Fuck. No wonder he wanted to check the whole apartment thing with Beat: he was hoping he was misreading Neku and he wasn’t – well, now, he probably _isn’t_ trying to get Beat back, is he? Because Joshua probably wouldn’t be offering to help them sort out their shit if he was. “Yeah, I’ll make sure he knows it’s not happening,” he says, and Joshua nods slightly. “Thanks for warning me; I didn’t really think ….”

“He didn’t mean it that way,” he corrects, and Beat sighs in relief. “Neku is merely opportunistic and not nearly as over you as he likes to think he is; if you know to keep your feelings clear, I don’t foresee a problem on that end. Now, I really should be going …?”

He’s giving Beat a chance to say something this time. At this rate, he might stop being an insufferable asshole. “Yeah, Neku might be here sometime, and I need to get home,” he concedes, and they both get up. “I still think we ought to get lunch sometime, though – you got my number?”

“Of course,” he says, and Beat feels his phone vibrate even though he couldn’t’ve had time to text yet. “Please give your sister my regards,” and he’s gone. Not even walking away gone, just – gone. The fuck?

“Don’t want you anywhere _near_ my sister,” he grumbles, then gets their dishes into some semblance of order and goes off to settle the tab.

Bastard probably didn’t even pay first! 

* * *

Turns out the ramen guy counts the composer’s food on the house so it doesn’t really matter, but Beat’s pissy on his way home anyway. Their talk went okay, more or less, even if the guy – **_seriously?_** Neku’s off with the sort of person who worries about getting murdered all the time? That in itself would put him off the guy, even if he _wasn’t_ either clueless or a jerk or both. 

He hopes he’s mostly clueless, for the sake of their future lunch together if nothing else, but there’s a lot of asshole in there, too. That text he’d sent to show he’s already got Beat’s number’d suggested a picnic, and the guy has to know it’s winter, right? He’s psychic and knows everything, just about: he’s got to realize nobody with sense is going to want to eat outside.

But then, that guy doesn’t really have sense, does he, and Neku doesn’t either. Getting killed by somebody ought to put you off them; it took him months to _really_ accept that Rhyme didn’t blame him, and that was just survivor’s guilt or something like that. (He read about it in a book once, and fuck you, he can read! He just ain’t too good at remembering his kanji and such like – hey, why’s he telling you this? Fuck off!) Joshua’s done worse than that, too: Beat remembers how some of this shit started, and if he knew now what he does then, shiiiit.

But he still hasn’t been too bad for Neku, is the thing, and even if he doesn’t like the guy, Neku’s not somebody good at thinking outside himself too much. He ain’t selfish, exactly, but consideration isn’t his strong point and Beat doesn’t want to leave either of them in a spot where Josh isn’t being listened to and checked up on, because Beat **knows** Neku’ll sit and hope for something to go away for-fucking-ever. That’s part of why he had to cut it off, you know: Beat couldn’t deal and Neku’s too stubborn to think maybe he _doesn’t need to._ The UG’s behind him; he wants to keep it that way.

He should really talk to one of the other people who feels that way, actually. `u mind hangin out sumtime?` he texts Shiki as he heads into his building, and aw, shit, other people are home by now. Doesn’t keep him from going in and taking his shoes and coat off, not like it once would have, but he hurriedly greets his ma and bolts off to find Rhyme.

She perks up when he pokes his head in her door, tired in a way he’s not sure how to deal with. “Hey,” she says, and he comes over to look over her homework. He doesn’t understand any of it, but that’s not new. “I see you got back okay?”

“Yeah,” he agrees; “there weren’t any real ways I wouldn’t’ve, I don’t think, but the composer’s shady as hell and just ‘cause Neku likes him doesn’t make him safe, you feel?”

She rolls her eyes and flicks him in the head. “My brother worries too much,” she informs no one in particular, and he flushes even if he’s not going to back down. “Nothing you or Neku’s said has made me want to meet him; relax.”

 ** _Good._** They still have nightmares about the Game as it is; Beat doesn’t ever want to know she’s talking to the guy who runs it. “He _did_ ask me to say hi for him,” he adds, “but I don’t know what he means by that and I don’t think I want to, you know?”

Rhyme goes a bit pale herself, but she nods firmly and she’s so brave and Beat loves her so, so much. “You can tell him I say hi back,” she says, and he probably will, assuming he doesn’t forget. “So, did you look at places …?”

“Nah, but I might ask him about it later. He mostly wanted to tell me shit he thinks I ought to be thinking about, I think.” And that’s as much a surprise to her as it was him, even if she catches his mood and knows it’s nothing to cheer about. “… D’you think splitting with Neku’s a good idea?”

And she might be the best person he has to ask for shit like that where he needs a level head, but Rhyme just shrugs. “Mom’s more likely to let you if he’s there,” she says, and yeah, that’s true. “If she didn’t realize you two were like –” and she makes a hand gesture as Beat chokes, and she laughs – “then she probably won’t, and Dad still likes Neku fine ….” 

Yeah, she’s got a point there. Neku’s his best shot in getting out anytime soon, but …. “Josh says Neku’s still hung up on me,” he says glumly, and Rhyme makes a face. “And I mean, he’s _dating_ Neku, so it might just be paranoia, and I **know** the fucker’s got issues like the Mainichi Shimbun, but I think he might know, you know?”

She nods vaguely. “Isn’t he the one you said is a dog?” she asks. “How does that work?”

 _“I don’t know!”_ he wails. “He’s been a dog and then he’s not and – what if everything he said was a **_furry lie?!_** ” If there is one thing Beat has learned, it’s to not trust anything a furry on the internet tells you, and it has to be twice as bad if they’re a furry in _real life._ That way leads weird fanart and shit he’s regretted looking up on the internet, wow. 

“Beat ….” He looks at her, and she pats him on the back. “I don’t think furries lie any more than anyone else.” _But how does she know that?!_ “I think furries are just – wait, why did furries come into this? Beat, I thought I told you not to tell me this!”

Right, she did. He is a **terrible brother.** “I’m sorry, Rhyme. I can’t protect you and I couldn’t protect Neku and now for all I know he’s been on the wrong side of the internet and his boyfriend is a **dog,** Rhyme, I am going to be living with a guy who is dating a **dog** and the dog thinks Neku’s still crushing on me, how fucked up is that?”

“This is still too much about my brother’s love life,” she says, but he’s not listening, instead flopping onto her and covering his face as she tries to tune him out. 

“What do I do if the dog hits on me?”

“Beat.”

“What if Neku _and_ the dog hit on me?”

_“Beat.”_

“What if Neku dies and the dog moves in and I’m surrounded by reaper furries? That one week was too much, Rhyme, it was **too much** and then we had to fight some cat people and I don’t even _know_ what that was about, and I still got, like, creepy furry nightmares with those cats **everywhere** and I keep sneezing and you’re stuck flying around again!”

 ** _“Beat!”_** she yells, fwapping him with a worksheet. “I don’t think any of that is going to happen.”

He stops and thinks about it, and shit, he barely even remembers what he just said. _Damn,_ he’s a mess sometimes. “I just,” he starts, then stops. “I just don’t really like furries,” he admits.

“If any of that happens,” she promises, “I will save you. I will personally beat up Neku’s dead boyfriend dog to save my big brother from the furries.”

“Thank you,” he manages, and he blows his nose. She’s watching him, and she’s so **serious,** so he takes a moment to collect himself and toss the tissue into the trashcan and he loves her so much. Every single reminder of how he failed her _hurts,_ but that was a long time ago and they’ve got each other. “Don’t want my little sister to protect me,” he says eventually, and she cracks a smile. “That’s my job; _I’m_ the older one.”

“Then you’ll just have to protect me from social studies,” she informs him, and he settles in to watch her do her homework. It’s all over his head, of course, but it’s still important that he tries. _She’s_ important, and they both know it.

There’s only so long he can hang around enjoying her company before he remembers there’s something else he should do, and he ruffles her hair before returning to his own room. It’s mostly the way he left it, thank fuck, but on his bed is an envelope he opens to find some local apartment listings, annotated in a crisp hand things like _has a mildew problem_ and _building manager is unresponsive_ as he goes through. Stuff that’s really nice to know **ahead** of time, and if he had any doubts who left it, they’re answered in a short letter that falls out, furigana carefully inked in above each Chinese character like it was written for a grade schooler.

> Daisukenojo “Beat” Bitou
>
>> Thank you very much for speaking with me today, and especially for talking to Neku on my behalf. I do not have the words to express what that meant to me, and I suspect my preferred mode of discourse would be grossly unwelcome, so this letter will have to suffice. If you reconsider your suggestion of lunch again after reading the rest of this, I will take no offense; I’m frankly stunned by the offer, but know there are more complications than the obvious. 
>> 
>> Given that you (and Miss Misaki, should you choose to invite her) are aware of my true nature, I would greatly prefer to prepare a meeting place of my own devising, where I can safely relax near you without muting my aspect more than necessary. Game shops such as Ramen Don attempt to force me down to the Realground, which prevents me from carrying out my work with any finesse in addition to dampening my own psychic abilities. Seeing as much of what I do is helping people find inspiration and navigate their differences to promote a brighter future for all Shibuya, I would prefer not to remain there for a social call.
>> 
>> However, leaving me with full control over my powers means that you know with certainty that if you think something, I hear it. Hearing others’ thoughts is more natural to me than breathing, and I have no intention of taking advantage of anything I learn you do not wish to share, but I know you do not trust me, nor do you have reason to. I would also be deeply grateful if you permit me to use my telekinesis in your presence; having only two hands is dreadfully inconvenient, don’t you think? I don’t understand how you humans cope, really. 
>> 
>> Take as much time as you need to reply; I’ll understand if you say no or call the whole thing off. You can text or call me any time except Sundays, though I would appreciate it if you only did so within Shibuya. My mundane phone plan is pay-as-you-go and money doesn’t grow on trees.
>>
>>> Yoshiya “Joshua” Kiryu, Composer of Shibuya

… the composer has a cell plan? 

… the composer has a _shitty_ cell plan? 

The absurdity of the situation hits him and he bursts out laughing, even as the rest of the letter fills him with dread and that was _such_ a bad idea. He’s not even sure he meant it, or if it was just a courtesy because of _course_ you tell somebody you want to see them again, even if you don’t want to follow up on it, and he might not have been as bad as he was expecting but shit, that was _not_ a good lunch date. (In the purely platonic sense, you know; the composer might be pretty in an awkward teenager sort of way but Beat is _not_ interested.)

Fuck, he hopes none of that was meant as a threat. He doesn’t _think_ so, but it occurs to him that Neku could probably get the truth out of the guy, at least as much as anybody can. All he’d have to do is show Neku this letter and explain, and … Neku’d be angry with the guy, wouldn’t he, and the guy _already_ thinks Neku trusts Beat more than him, no matter that he and Neku are dating. And he might not be wrong, either.

No, he is keeping Neku **_out_** of this, and Neku’s going to stay out, too. Trust shouldn’t be a competition, not when they’re all Neku’s friends, and the guy ought to know they’re not gonna go running to Neku with his every fuck up like Neku’s his parole officer. Especially not when he looks at this letter again and – the guy really wants to make it work, don’t he. He could’ve kept his mouth shut about the scanning, but nah, he wants Beat to know about it and say it’s okay. And it ain’t okay – it probably won’t ever be – but Beat thinks maybe he can handle it for an afternoon. 

He might not trust the guy, but Joshua hasn’t done anything clearly nasty for a while. It can’t hurt too much to let him use his own discretion. 

Right, okay. Shiki replied at some point, but he should probably just call. Wait, no, text first. `Can I call u` he sends, and his phone rings a minute later.

“Hey, Beat,” she says, and she sounds _exhausted,_ damn. She has for a while, but …. “What’s up?”

“I had a weird chat with Neku’s –” he doesn’t know what word he wants to use – “Neku’s, you know the guy. The prissy bastard?”

“He’s a hard guy to forget,” she replies, but he isn’t, really. “Is this going to be a rough conversation? Because I’ve got a presentation tomorrow and I’m not sure I’m up for his latest bullshit.”

She and him both, fuck. “I don’t think it’s too bad,” he says, “but if they’re working you to the bone, maybe it’s not the best time? I’m just wondering if we keep getting the wrong end of him; he ain’t pulling shit or nothing.” Neku might be, though, and isn’t _that_ a great thought to have.

“What, you’re worried about him?” she asks rhetorically, and yeah, actually. “He’s kind of ….”

“He’s a dick,” Beat finishes, and she makes a sound like she agrees but doesn’t want to say it. “I don’t like him either, but I don’t think he gets out much and Neku – Neku’s not too observant when he doesn’t want to be. I’d feel better about the whole thing if he knew he could talk to us, you know?”

She hums, and he can tell she’s not convinced. “Beat, sorry if I’m wrong and this is too invasive, but … if you only try to be friends with him because you broke up with Neku, nobody’s going to be happy. It’s not really your business, is it?”

Fuck. And she’s not really wrong, either, which makes it worse. “You’re probably right,” he concedes. “I really don’t think Neku’s treating him right, and maybe that’s half of it, but – Shiki, I talked to him today because he wanted to check on me to make sure I know I got options, that I don’t got to live with Neku if I don’t want to, and he thinks we’re great, you know? He said a lot of really nice things about me, stuff he _meant_ and thought was fucking obvious, and yeah, okay, he got mad I tried arguing with him about it, but I don’t think he’s such a jerk because he hates us. I think he’s just a fucking dumbass half the time and I’d be okay with spending a day talking to somebody who thinks we’re both fucking awesome even if it’s maybe gonna suck because the dude couldn’t get along with anyone if his life depended on it. Are you?”

And he wouldn’t have thought this morning he’d be defending the guy, but here he is. “He thinks _we’re_ awesome?” she repeats. “What did he say about me?”

“Uh, let me think ….” It wasn’t all that much, he remembers that, but …. “I think he thinks you’re diligent and insightful? He was mostly talking about me, but he said that much, I’m pretty sure. If we all get lunch together, he’d probably tell you: dude’s got no tact or filter at all, far as I can tell.”

Another hum, but she’s thinking about it, he’s sure. Not eager, but maybe …. “He’s asked me my thoughts on things a few times,” she confesses. “And _Neku’s_ said he likes me, too. But I don’t know, Beat: when I think about him, I can’t forget some of the shit he’s done. You know he’s gotten Neku to strangle him, right? Like, actually?”

Wait, what? “That’s fucked up,” he says frankly, but he feels like he’s missing something. 

“Don’t repeat this to Neku, because I’m not angry about it anymore, but back during the Game, he tried to kill me once, did you know that?” she says hurriedly, and **_what?_** He’s going to kick Neku’s ass, he really is, no matter that all that stuff was a long time ago. “It was that pink reaper’s idea; he was going to strangle me with a psych so he could go home, only she was **_lying_** and – it was a long time ago. I don’t hate Neku for it; I know he was scared and he’d never hurt me, but _this bastard_ – why would he dig that back up, Beat? Why would Neku be with some guy who wants him to do that? I don’t – I don’t understand,” and she’s crying and it’s Beat’s fault for bringing it up and he can’t give her a hug over the phone, **_fuck._**

“I don’t know,” he murmurs, and he might cry, too. He wants to punch something. “Man, I knew that shit was fucked, but ….”

“I can’t trust him,” she says simply. “I’ll go with you to get lunch with him, but I can’t trust him and I don’t think I ever will. I’m sorry, Beat.”

“Nothing to be sorry for,” he says, and he means it. “It’s him who’s done all that nasty shit; it’s just ….”

“You want to check on him,” she finishes, and he sighs in relief. “I’ll come this time, though I can’t make any promises about later. You mind sending me the details when you have it worked out?”

“Yeah, no problem,” he says, and they make their goodbyes. He really should talk to Shiki more often, but she’s busy so much … he kind of wonders if he should reconsider his own career. He’s just got a job instead of a calling, but that means he can change his plans more easily ….

Eh, that’s too deep for right now and he’s had a rough day. Figuring out his future can wait. He’s got time. 

`Do what u need 2 do,` he texts Joshua, `I trust u,` and then he’s off to sleep. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of the stuff with Joshua and Shiki is REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE fyi so, uh, yeah

The guy doesn’t reply for a few days, which is just fine with Beat. He’s probably working out his plans, or giving him a chance to change his mind; either seems equally likely with that fucker and he sure ain’t talking. 

Somebody has got to teach that guy some basic manners, but maybe that shit matters less when you’re the composer. _Your continued existence depends on my whim_ makes up for a lot as far as personality flaws go, and is that really a good idea, to meet up with him partly on his terms? Signs point to no, but Beat ain’t a chicken and the guy probably won’t pull too much. 

Still, it grates on him in the back of his mind while he’s at work the next week. He’s still getting used to the concept of fixing other people’s stuff for money, but he’s actually pretty _good_ at it, at least when he can check his notes. Some people, they think they got it all in their heads so they rush too much, but Beat ain’t like that, not anymore. He’ll take things slow and he’ll do it right, and he likes the customers, likes meeting people. Half of them are fucking assholes and either think it’s all his fault or have no idea about anything, but he can work with that; he’s been like that, too, and so far he hasn’t had too many mystery issues. 

Eventually, though, the guy gets around to texting some plans, and no matter how wary they feel about the whole thing having had time to think about it, he and Shiki show up at Yoyogi Park at the time he’d asked for.

“Do you think he’s actually going to show?” Shiki asks, and he has no idea. “He flaked on Neku for _months,_ after all ….”

“Be easier if he did,” he concedes, but he kind of doubts it. It’d be too convenient. “Think I should text him, ask him where he’s at?” The park’s a big place, after all, but they hear a loud whistle and turn.

“Hello!” Joshua calls, walking over nonchalantly, like the whole park belongs to him, and that guy is _so_ not dressed for the weather. He glances at Shiki and she looks like she’s thinking the same thing: skinny jeans and a button-up are **not** what normal people pick for the middle of winter, no matter how mild Tokyo’s weather tends to be. “I hope you weren’t waiting long.”

“Oh, no!” Shiki says quickly, bowing in greeting as she flushes. “We were only wondering if you’d be able to find us.”

The guy laughs, and Beat’s eyebrow twitches. How does he manage to be so _irritating_ – “I thought we might have a picnic?” he says, smiling like it’s totally normal. “I’ve picked out a spot already, if you’ll follow me; we should get our first snowfall of the season in about half an hour, and I thought we might as well appreciate it.”

“Appreciate it?” Beat repeats, and the guy quirks his mouth like he said something funny. “I thought we was gonna be getting lunch somewhere, not freezing our asses off.”

“Yes, and I made lunch,” he replies smoothly, and he bows to them both in quick succession. “I’m Yoshiya Kiryu, but you can call me Joshua, Miss Misaki; I know we’ve never met in neutral circumstances ….”

“My name’s still Shiki,” she says back curtly, and damn does he not want to get on the other side of that temper. “Do you happen to have a backup plan, or are you really thinking we’d stay outside in this weather?”

The guy’s smile falters, and Beat wonders if he’d done this on purpose or not. “Would the addition of a kotatsu make a difference?” he says finally, and Beat and Shiki share a look. “I fully intend to keep you warm and dry; I simply thought ….”

He thought wrong, whatever it was, but fuck it: they already knew this was going to be a bit of a mess. “Let’s see your picnic spot,” Beat says, trying to be charitable, and the guy lights up enough that neither he nor Shiki have the heart to complain as he leads them through the park to a quiet area, something about it giving Beat the heebie-jeebies until he spots a small picnic tent covering a low table and a blanket.

Joshua smoothly ducks into it, then holds the flap open for them both, and they follow. It’s warmer in here, though not exactly _warm,_ and he thinks they might actually be prepared for the foreboding weather out today. Joshua gestures for them to sit down, and they do, Shiki poking him in the side so he’ll leave room for her to stretch out. The kotatsu makes a hell of a difference, and the clear tent keeps the chill off without blocking the sky, and maybe this will work out, as weird as it is.

The composer watches them get situated, then sits down himself, only lightly trailing the edges of the kotatsu’s blanket over his own knees like the cold doesn’t bother him. “Will this do?” he asks, and Beat jerks up. “I enjoy my weather too much to spend my first snowfall of the season indoors, but Neku’s reminded me many times your sort’s more delicate ….”

“This is fine,” Shiki says nervously, and Beat nods. “I’m not really dressed for being outside today, but the kotatsu helps, thank you.”

The guy inclines his head, but he’s still waiting, and Beat’s a little surprised he wants his opinion, too. “Yeah, this ain’t bad. I didn’t pack food, though –”

“I did,” he says, and the table shakes as he slams a cooler and thermos onto it. “I can make more of everything, or cook something else if this won’t do; it’s not an imposition.”

Okay, wow, this asshole is trying _way_ too hard, but as he unpacks everything he’d brought and starts up tea, Beat finds it increasingly difficult to be annoyed. Hot rice, ginger beef, a curry that he can already tell will warm him to his bones – it all looks and smells amazing, and he sees Shiki watching with almost as much interest as he is.

“You didn’t have to go to this much trouble,” she says, and the guy beams at her.

“It’s rare enough I have the occasion,” he says back easily, and she makes a face. “Neku can’t eat _all_ my cooking, you know; perhaps I’ve found a hobby.”

“Well, it smells delicious,” Beat says to avoid the awkward moment. “Let’s eat!”

Shiki and Joshua echo him, and they all dig in. Joshua barely takes any of it, though, sampling each dish and mostly just eating the natto, and even if he’s sure the guy wouldn’t do anything, it raises the hair on the back of his neck. Shiki’s thrown off by it, too, he can tell: nobody should put together a smorgasbord like this and not touch most of it themselves. It ain’t right. 

“You aren’t hungry?” she says eventually, and the guy opens his mouth and closes it, thinking. 

“I can’t taste my own cooking,” he admits, and Beat furrows his brow. “I truly cooked it, of course – very little I conjure isn’t real in my city to start with – but I don’t have the same visceral enjoyment of food you do, and the – mmm, intent of the chef? The thoughts and emotions of the cook are my own, so I don’t get much out of it, I’m afraid.”

They mull that over, uncomfortable with yet another reminder of his inhumanity, but he keeps nibbling at his food and they do, too. “Well, you seem to like the natto,” she offers eventually, and he huffs a laugh. 

“A friend made that,” he replies, and Beat’s first reaction is: _he has friends?_ But that’s a rude thought, and this guy hears shit like that, doesn’t he, hears fucking everything that goes through their heads, and he’s just watching them like they’re interesting and he’s not insulted at all. It gives Beat the wiggies, it really does, and part of him wants to shake Shiki and yell _he’s reading our minds!_ You just can’t – Beat can’t carry a casual conversation ignoring a thing like that, he just can’t.

And Joshua’s watching **_him,_** specifically, and there’s a cold calculation behind that friendly face he doesn’t like one bit. “Beneath us is the circle I used to limit my power,” Joshua says suddenly, and Shiki jerks up. “I was very precise about it, you know, restraining only the aspects of myself most likely to cause accidental harm, but scanning is more natural to me than breathing and I _do_ know your thoughts, Beat, Miss – Shiki. They aren’t important to me, really, not the way your sort’s inclined to expect, and I’m treating you with the same respect I do Neku, that knowing who and what I am, you still have some desire to understand. If you have questions, ask them: I won’t force them from you before they’re fully formed.”

And the guy keeps talking in _circles_ and Beat doesn’t want to have to think that much, no matter if he ‘gets there eventually,’ but he gives it a moment to sink in and maybe … maybe something, he doesn’t know. 

“‘Respect,’” Shiki echoes, face hard, and her hands are clenched hard enough for her fingers to pale. “I don’t think you know the meaning of the word, no matter that – the food is delicious. Thank you.”

Joshua raises his eyebrows, and how does he stay so fucking calm like that? “I find you admirable, you know,” he says casually, but it sounds like an insult even if Beat knows it’s not. “A hard-worker with a core of steel, overshadowed by a friend with more flash and energy – it’s a common start, to be sure, but I’ve enjoyed watching you develop and I’m eager to see how you’ll help shape my Shibuya. The hostility is unnecessary.”

“And what you’ve had Neku do, was _that_ necessary?” she says quietly, and the guy tilts his head. “He told me about the strangling, you know; he wanted to make sure I didn’t think he was a bad person. And I don’t! But you – you know _everything,_ don’t you? The reapers do what you tell them to, and I can’t believe you didn’t know **exactly** what you were dredging up with that, and that’s – you did stuff during the Game, and Neku says you’re not that bad, but we’re _out_ of the Game, and you still ….”

He closes his eyes, and Beat reaches a hand out to her in solidarity. That guy is _fucked up,_ and no matter that he’s taking her seriously and thinking before he replies, Beat wants her to know that Beat at least will be there, whatever this bastard says and no matter how much Neku likes the guy. Eventually, though, the composer opens his mouth and looks at them carefully, the wind stilling as the snowstorm comes in. “I don’t know everything,” the guy says slowly, and they stiffen. “What goes into reports – yes, I know that, and what it occurs to me to wonder. Everything else, though, I don’t know that, and that my dear Sanae wished for you to set aside any trauma for the sake of your partnership … mmm, I suspected, but I didn’t know until you thought about it just now.”

“He didn’t,” Shiki starts, but she stops and covers her mouth, eyes welling up. Joshua waves his fingers and her tea edges closer to her for her to pick it up and chug some down, to the composer’s evident approval. Her hands are shaking, and Beat wishes he knew something about any of this, that this wasn’t being dragged out by a relative stranger. 

“You wouldn’t have remembered it later,” Joshua murmurs, and he’s trying to be kind. He’s fucking terrifying, but – Beat can tell, sometimes, and this is … maybe this needed to happen. Maybe this needed to happen a while ago. “In normal circumstances, the entire Game would be left a dream, and you’d never have to deal with any of this. Perhaps you’d fear Neku’s anger, not trust him as much as you might otherwise, but I left your memories and you fear **_me_** instead. Because it’s easier, isn’t it, to suppress what you can and make excuses for the rest, because Neku isn’t that person anymore and the both of you know it, because there weren’t any witnesses who would drag it back out, are there. It **didn’t happen,** and the sooner you can ignore it the sooner everything goes back to normal –”

She slaps him, and the sound resounds longer than Beat really thinks possible. The guy barely reacts, though, just leans back and feels his cheek, and maybe Beat should’ve shut him up first.

“How dare you,” she says, standing up. “How _fucking_ dare you talk like you know anything –”

“– and you’d be right,” he finishes quietly, and Shiki sits back down, deflating. Beat’s got no idea what’s going on anymore. “Neku _isn’t_ that person anymore, but you weren’t allowed to get angry in the first place, were you? It must be frustrating, feeling like I want to remake him into the person he was at his worst when you **know** no good would come of telling Neku you lied when you said you forgave him, because you were never given the option not to.”

Beat doesn’t know; he doesn’t know what he should be doing to make this guy stop, but he looks over to Shiki and she’s shaking, maybe crying. This, he does know how to handle, and he pulls her into a hug as she goes into it gratefully, clinging to him and his warmth.

“Why did you,” she says, turning to look at Joshua again, and there’s a softness in his face that wasn’t there a moment ago, “why did you pull that up? I never wanted to – I forgive Neku, _really,_ so why did you …?”

“Because it matters,” he says simply, and Shiki isn’t shaking anymore, though Beat’s not going to let go until she tells him to. “I love Neku deeply, more than I think you can imagine, but what I want for him is very different than what you do.”

No fucking shit, and Shiki pulls out of Beat’s embrace and cleans her glasses. Her composure’s mostly back, so Beat takes a few more bites of the food. It’s still delicious, even if his appetite’s down. 

“You kill people,” Shiki says, and the composer nods sharply. 

“When I must,” he corrects. “I can only revive a small fraction of the people who enter my Game, and the reapers cull most of them before I or my conductor get to them, but Neku _needs_ to be able to kill if he is ever to work for my City.”

“And why’s he going to do that?” Beat interrupts, and no matter that it’s been said before, it can use saying again: “Neku’s got other shit he can do; how do you justify getting him to work for you?”

The composer stills, and Beat can hear himself breathe, it feels so quiet. Shiki notices it, too: “Neku’s a good person, you know; you don’t have the right to ….”

“To let him make his own choices?” he snaps, and he swipes Beat and Shiki’s bowls off the table to scrape the last few morsels onto the ground and stack the dishes. Beat blinks. “I’ve done my best to ensure he knows what he’s getting into and that he not rush into the job like I did, but the fact remains he could do a lot of good and he would be _good at it._ He isn’t naturally emphatic the way you both are, and that gives him different strengths and weaknesses. Kindly **do not** force me to justify my entire life and career to you both, especially not when I was _hoping_ for a nice afternoon outside for once!”

He’s furious, and Beat actually can’t blame him. They all take a moment to catch their breathe – or maybe just their cool; Beat’s got no idea what dead people do to calm down – as the composer keeps cleaning up and Shiki looks for something to do with her hands. She doesn’t find it, though, and the anger in the composer’s face fades down to weariness as he refills all their tea cups.

Shiki snatches her cup up and sniffs the tea, and Joshua sighs. “I shouldn’t have lost my temper,” he mutters, and Beat can sure agree with that, but ….

“I haven’t been trying to get along with you, either,” Shiki says back, and they’re both right. “You … I don’t like you very much, and I don’t think you understand just _how_ much you shouldn’t be sticking your nose into everything, but I can tell you’re not trying to be hurtful. Truce?”

“Truce,” and the guy doesn’t even have to think about it. “I’d rather hear about the two of _you,_ if that’s all right; the snow won’t let up for another half-hour, though it’s only flurries.”

“I still don’t get why you picked a snowy day to hang around outside,” Beat says, though hot drinks help, especially when the guy pulls out a thing of cocoa mix. “Not exactly the season for it.”

And the guy bristles, though he doesn’t stop in prepping their drinks. “I like my weather,” he sulks, and there’s that personal pronoun again. “All the people going around in scarves and jackets … it’s fun, and I had the opportunity. Look at the dusting on the leaves, the snow melting as it hits the ground – isn’t my city beautiful like this?”

It’s okay, Beat guesses, but it’s still pretty cold and he’s not looking forward to walking home. “I like spring more,” he admits, and Joshua rolls his eyes.

“ _All_ of my seasons are wonderful,” he states, brooking no argument, and what makes them all his, anyway? Beat glances at Shiki, and they share a look. “Neku’s called me biased, but honestly I don’t know _why_ anyone would ask the spirit of Shibuya if they didn’t want to hear the truth of Shibuya’s greatness. My city is simply the best; that’s how it is.”

“ _You’re_ the spirit of Shibuya?” Shiki repeats with disbelief, and Joshua makes a little half-bow. “I thought you were, um ….”

“The composer?” he says, standing up, and his face is serene as he stretches out and _glows,_ too bright for Beat to watch. ` I am. That you have an incomplete understanding is not My concern.`

Shiki’s stunned, too, but they both glance up and he’s indistinct, crackling in a way that’s almost painful, but it only lasts for a moment before he returns to normal. Or – not normal, he realizes, seeing the large pair of white wings briefly spread out, but the composer folds them away and sits back down, indescribably proud of himself. “Neku’s made quite the catch,” he adds, and Beat’s face scrunches up in distaste. “I don’t think many people his age come to the attention of their entire City, do you?”

Silence. 

“… Perhaps I shouldn’t bother attempting humor with you two.”

“That might be better,” Shiki agrees, and Joshua shrugs. “Well ….”

“Uh ….” Beat doesn’t know what to say, either. It’s hard with that guy watching them both with faint interest, and he kind of wants to go home. And that’s _without_ the guy picking a fight with him too much. 

Joshua watches them for a few more moments, then laughs softly into his hands. “I don’t think my continued presence here is going to accomplish anything,” he admits, a little amused, and Beat’s surprised he’s that self-aware. “Thank you both for staying for lunch even if it was a bit trying, and I suppose I’ll be going?”

“You don’t have to,” Shiki starts, but Beat thinks they all know her heart’s not really in it. “It was really interesting talking to you,” and that’s a word for it. 

The composer seems to think so, too, making a little salute. “Likewise,” he says, but he ain’t the one who’d ended up crying. “You can both stay as long as you want, and I’ll pack up after you leave; it’s a bit wet out there. It was a delight to do this with you, honestly, and you have my number if you’d like to do this again. Toodles!”

And he takes two steps backwards before vanishing, not giving either of them the chance to really react. “Uh.” That happened. 

Shiki sighs, long and loud. “Do you think that guy _always_ needs to have the last word, or only with us?”

“No idea,” he says, and they both watch where he’d been before cracking up. Why, he doesn’t know, but it’s better than getting pissed off about it. “What a douche.”

“I can’t believe he – gah! I can’t believe he did _any_ of that, only I can, because –”

“– it’s everything Neku’s ever complained about, wrapped up into one prissy package,” he finishes, and they’re both shaking their head. “Unbelievable.”

“Can’t believe Neku’s dating that guy,” she says, and he sobers.

“I can,” he says, and she goes quiet, too. “He ain’t – Neku ain’t used to people giving him things ‘cause they like him, and Josh ain’t used to having people he can give stuff to. There’s more to it than that, I know there is, but ….”

That explains a lot right there, and most of it isn’t good, either. “Shit,” she says simply, and that’s about right, ain’t it. “I wish that didn’t make sense.”

“I might be wrong,” he adds. “I sure fucking hope I’m wrong, but … I don’t know. I don’t think either of them’s in a good place right now, and with me and Neku gonna get a flat soon … you know Joshua’s convinced Neku’s still hung up on me?”

She inhales sharply. “Beat, don’t do it,” she says frankly. “You know he’s – _ughhhhhh,_ I can’t believe I’m probably going to have to see this asshole again! Who the hell does he think he is?!”

A god, and that’s _way_ more than Beat ever wants to deal with. “Aw, fuck, are you okay?” he says, and she’s crying again, so the answer is pretty fucking clearly **_no._** He tries pulling her into a hug, only he doesn’t know where to put his hands, so he settles for patting her on the back awkwardly and he thinks it helps. 

“I hate him,” she says simply, and he really shouldn’t have put her through this. “I _fucking_ hate him and – why did he have to dredge that stuff up? Why did he have to try to be so _understanding_ about it? He’s awful, and he doesn’t even have the decency to be _cruel_ about it; he’s just weird and creepy and invasive and – Beat, I don’t see any way you living with Neku’s not going to be a disaster, but I don’t want to risk Neku living with that guy, either …!”

“I don’t think that’s on the cards,” he says frankly. “The guy made sure to tell me he could have Neku share with some of the reapers who ain’t too bad, or help me get a place if I want, so I wouldn’t be, I dunno, pressured into it or something,” and she groans, which, yeah, that was his reaction. “He wants Neku living near him –” or **in** him, if he really is the city, and this is not the time – “but I don’t think he wants to room with him.”

“Thank god,” she says fervently, and the guy kind of is one, ain’t he! “That’s the last thing we need: Neku falling into _that_ disaster. Do you think he’d listen if we told him about his boyfriend being a jerk?”

Fuck. “Shiki, we ain’t doing that,” he says, and she furrows her brow. “We _ain’t._ Well, you can if you want to, but Neku doesn’t trust that guy a millimeter, not where it matters, and I’m not wrecking what they’ve got when the guy wasn’t _trying_ to be a jerk.”

She goes quiet, thinking about it, and she doesn’t like it any more than he does. “You really think that?” she says, and he nods. “Damn it, I was hoping he’d have learned something by now ….”

Hey, she and Eri have had some really nasty fights over shit like that, but Beat’s pretty sure he’d regret it if he said anything. “Is Eri all right?” he asks, and she makes a face, wiggling her hand. 

“She’s getting by, but I think she’s taking the adjustment pretty hard. Don’t tell Ai I said this, but she might have done the right thing in going to uni; Eri’s manager _sucks_ and the pay at her level’s not great, so it’s a bit … I don’t know. I think she’ll do well in marketing if she sticks with it, but it’s hard for her when she knows her portfolio mostly got looked at because we know CAT, you know?”

“Yeah,” he says, nodding along, though privately he wonders how much Shiki’s not telling him about her own situation. It’s not his problem, though, so he just adds, “Hope stuff works out for her.”

“Me too,” she says, and they’re quiet. They sit like that a little longer, but then she gets up and stretches, and he’s a bit stiff, too. “Do you think,” she starts, checking the weather, but she trails off and maybe it’s for the better. “Nevermind.”

Looks like a bit of slush to him, and not even enough to soak his shoes. “Whatever happens, at least we tried,” he says, and they head along home.

* * *

He feels a bit shit as he leaves Shiki back at the station, but what’s he supposed to do, ride home with her? She’s holding it together well enough, and he’s not who she needs, he’s pretty sure. He’ll talk to her about it if he had to, but she and Neku’ve got some shit to sort out sooner or later and it’s none of his business. He couldn’t fix it if he tried, anyway; sometimes there isn’t any fixing it, just crying and yelling until you can deal with it as it is, and that ain’t his strong point.

Rhyme’s studying with her friends when he gets back, and it’s just as well. He’s tired, in more ways than the obvious, but … none of the people stressing him out are bad people. Maybe Neku’s selfish sometimes, and his boyfriend’s a determined weed, but you know what? Stepping away from it all’s not going to make any of it better, not even his own feelings, and if Neku ends up being a shitty roommate, so what? 

He’ll have tried, and they’ll’ve been there for each other when they might need it, and that’s better than him trying to strike out on his own right now. He can always move back home if he needs to, after all. Some people don’t even got that, not as a real option, and at least Neku’s reliable where it counts. Joshua, too, maybe; Beat doesn’t know him too much but he can already tell that when he goes in, he goes all in, and shit, Beat can work with that, so long as he doesn’t have to deal with the guy too much. 

Maybe shit’s not ideal, but they’ve got each other and they’ve got other friends, too. Can’t hurt to wait and see. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well! I don't know when I'll get back to regular updates, but I hope you found this a satisfactory stopping point and ~*~ intriguing lead up ~*~ to the next installment! Comments make me super excited and feel free to message me on whatever platform if you so desire! :Db


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